Lets talk about it; Spouse of an addict.

Addiction does not just harm the immediate individual whom is using; yet hurts every single person involved in that persons life. When people (who do not truly know much about addiction) look into the situation you are in , their judgement begins to focus on your reaction(s).

“Why are you upset, its their life”

“well if it affects you that much why are you still around?”

These are the two most judgmental, and bias opinions/questions i hear daily.  In my opinion , spouses of addicts receive the most judgement. As family can not chose to be related to an addict, yet a spouse can just so easily walk away and continue their life. Yet that is so very easily said,  rather then done. A spouse of an addict is fully invested. The spouse of an addict has seen someone behind the mess of their addiction, and is holding on to every thread left to keep that person alive. A spouse of an addict is the only person the addict has through out the entire process of their addiction. The spouse of an addict is the one person that has to take every single blow of the addiction, is the one to blame, is the one to pick up the pieces after every blow out from the use; and continue going as if life is normal to the outside world.

Yet, in our hearts we know that the person we fell in love with is still behind this mess. That person still lives behind the persona the addiction has created. There is a faint spark of light left in their soul, and that is enough for us to continue to hold on and wait. Wait for them to come to the surface again, so we can finally catch our breath.

Because the addiction hasn’t been the only side of this person. nor been the only burden on the relationship. Because once you peel back the addiction, and the layers of pain and hurt, shame, guilt.. There is a loving, caring, intelligent human being who holds your heart.

Yet, besides the pain from being in love with an addict. The spouse of an addict is the one to receive all of the blame, and the judgement. The spouse of an addict has to not only hold the weight from being with an addict, but also the weight from the judgement and poison spit at them for it. A spouse of an addict becomes isolated, not only because of the exhaustion from loving an addict, but also because no one seems to care enough to listen  or be supportive.. Yet only judge and kick them while they are already down… As if that person can take more thrown at them.